Envy is a feeling of resentful discontent, begrudging admiration, or covetousness with regard to another’s advantage, possessions, or attainments. Jealousy is similar, being rooted in fear that someone else has something that they deserve.
Brief Explanation:
Many couples suffer from envy and jealousy of each other. Pastors and other spiritual leaders can often be jealous of a colleague, thinking that somehow they are being cheated by the success of another. Much of envy and jealously is rooted in an unhealthy appraisal of oneself, actually believing that one deserves things not earned. Further, it can be rooted in fear…of being cheated and not properly cared for. Envy and jealousy is like a cancer, eating away at the person’s proper perspective on life and circumstances.
In dealing with envy and jealousy, using the concept of mirroring can be helpful (see Dr. Richard Walters’ book; Hand to Hand). To mirror is to reflect the statements and feelings of the person (such as “Why does she get to stay home; why does he get to see his friends; etc.) at a feeling and meaning level (you think it is unfair that they…). Mirroring will often help the honest person eventually see the anger, fear, self-centeredness, etc., that is at the root of the envy and jealousy, and will help you to help them see and eventually repent of this insidious area of sin and dysfunction.
Of course, not all jealousy is bad, as seen in God being a jealous God and Paul who jealously guarded the church against wrong teaching.
The Word of God:
Proverbs 6:34
“For jealously enrages a man, and he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not accept any ransom nor will he be content though you give many gifts.”
Proverbs 23:17
“Do not let your heart envy sinners, but live in the fear of the Lord always.”
Matthew 27:18
“For he (Jesus) knew that because of envy they had delivered Him up.”
James 3:14
“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth.”
2 Corinthians 11:2
“For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.”
